My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
