I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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