I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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