No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
