I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
