oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
did you just send me my own nude
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize