He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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