They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
