I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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