You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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