im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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