Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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