And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
