How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
