i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
