Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
