You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
