I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
