sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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