loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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