I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
