We named our party play list daddy issues
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
