one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize