You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
