the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
