i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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