living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize