Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize