Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
