Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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