I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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