I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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