Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
