My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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