you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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