he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
