You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
