Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
