Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
