allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
