Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
