When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
