Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
