I wanna passion pit in your ass
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
