I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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