The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
