did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize