am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
