This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
