Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
