i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
