Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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