my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i believe in u and ur pee
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
