we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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