How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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