It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
