In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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