I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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