i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Four minutes until I can fart!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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