Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
