I can text with my tongue
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
