Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
