Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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