she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
