i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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