She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
