Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
