oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
