I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
