just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
