My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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