he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
