If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
