what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He has the fingertips of a God
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
