So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In other news, I just burned my penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
