Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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