She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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