I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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