at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
