I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize