I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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