hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
