so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
