I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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