There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
