He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
