worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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