i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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