Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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