I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
